Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Working Man's Gym

I go to a working man's gym.

It's 25 bucks a month, all classes included. Pretty cheap.

With that however, are some drawbacks: The equipment is beat up, there's rust on the barbells, we have non-matching  plates from at least four different manufacturers, there's no air-conditioning, the insulation on the roof is decaying, non of the physio balls are clean or pumped enough, the battle rope is frayed, the staff is eclectic, etc. etc.

But who the fuck cares about that?

Seriously, if you know what you're doing, you make due. A 45lb plate is a 45lb plate (for the most part). 

Any Nautilus machine is as good as another, if you use it regularly.

If you don't like rusty barbells, you can wear your sister's gloves.

Dirty physio ball? You're gonna shower anyway right? Don't be a pussy germaphobe, give it a quick wipe yourself and just use it.

Ok, the insulation decay should really be addressed as a safety issue, you don't wanna inhale that during a heavy bench, but cosmetically it doesn't matter. 

My girl works at a more bourgeoisie gym.

It's pretty posh. Super nice and clean equipment, Juice Bar, customized gym clothes for sale, the staff are all attractive, uniformed and educated, it's air conditioned, and there's three campuses to choose from,etc. 

But it's like 80 bucks a month! With an enrollment fee. Wtf...

Regardless of which kind of gym I'm working out in though, I always see the same kind of jackassery. And I'm going to tell you about it, so hopefully you won't be that jackass.

Bye the way, I worked and taught in College Gym in Reno for many years. Ya maybe I don't have Masters Degree, but I know what I'm talking about and a lot of this spiel comes from one of my lectures. 

Rule 1.
Re-rack your shit. 
Don't leave your plates racked, ever. Nobody is impressed by your 450lb squat if some grandma has to come over and try to unload your bar. Dick.
Don't leave your dumbbells all over the floor making a trip hazard. It is kinda funny when somebody falls, but maybe that guy you just tripped is half way thru a cycle of Andro. Now what are you gonna do?

Rule 2.
Clean up after yourself.
Don't leave your little yoga mat thing in the middle of the weight room. There's a place for those. It's called Yoga Class. Namaste,schmuck.
If you moved a bench from it's designated area, put the damn thing back when you're done. If you moved the couch closer to the TV to watch the stupid football game and didn't put it back, your mom would smack you. The gym is your home away from home, treat it as such.

Rule 3.
Wipe that shit down when you're done.
Goddamnit man. Show some respect. Pure and simple, respect the other gym members. You sure the hell aren't special, so wipe it down.

Rule 4.
No Flexing.
Feeling pretty pumped? Well you still look like a turd. 
Step away from the mirror and go play with yourself in the bathroom. 
Whether you're jacked or not, nobody but you cares. So relocate from the dumbbell rack and let the people working out through.
Oh, never, ever take your shirt off on the gym floor. Ya, I've seen this. Had it been my gym, I'd have kicked that little fucker in the vajajay then kicked him out the door.

Rule 5.
Watch your Supersetting.
I understand the Superset. I really do. It can be a great workout. But that doesn't prevent me from hating Supersetters. Because most supersetters have no goddamn clue what they're doing and they're just bumbling around from machine to machine getting in the way.
If you are going to superset, make it obvious what you're doing. Keep the exercises in your set to 2 or 3, if you can keep them all in the same area too. If you have to march clear across the gym to do the next exercise in your superset, somebody is going to jump into your first exercise. And you can't blame them, they aren't there to keep track of whatever you're doing. Politely ask to work-in with other members if you need that piece of equipment. Don't un-rack anybody's gear. And wipe the thing off when you're done.

Rule 6.
Go to a Crossfit Box. You're a liability here. I appreciate what you do, I respect what you do, I can't wait to do it, but you're getting in the way, and are you supersetting?

Rule 7.
The Heavy Bag/ Speed Bag.
These have no place in the weight room. They belong in a boxing gym or in their own area. How often do you see someone on a Heavy Bag that knows what they're doing? You don't. Because any self-respecting boxer/martial artist knows to keep that shit where it belongs. And the Speed Bag is just a loud annoyance. 

Rule 8.
Don't stand right in front of the damn dumbbell rack and workout.
Get what you need, and get the hell out of the way. You standing in the way of someone who needs those 35 pounders just isn't cool. Now you're interrupting someone else's workout. Tool.

Rule 9.
Don't offer un-asked for advice.
A few reasons for this one. Perhaps the person doing something weird has an injury that you don't know about? You'd feel pretty dumb trying to fix someones bench if they have a mending rotator cuff.
Or maybe they're just an idiot. 
This is a good probability, so don't waste your time. The staff on hand should be watching to see if anyone is doing anything dangerous and they can fix them. Well, hopefully the staff is paying attention...

Rule 10.
Don't be a Douchebag.
You knew that was coming right?
It's really damn simple actually, treat the gym, it's equipment and facilities as if they were yours.
Treat the other members as you would want to be treated.

I really could have saved a lot of typing and just done Rule 10.


  1. I hate when somebody leaves dirty dishes and dirty kitchen after their shift. It's the worst thing it can be.

    1. Ya. You may be right on that. Kitchen work is demanding.