Sunday, August 19, 2018

Fod Bloog: Soy Burger Nori Wrap with Ketchup

Writing is hard.

I really eat the stuff I bloog about. Don't think for a second I just toss this shit into the garbage. 
It's also possible I was drunk for most of this bloog process.

I'm a militant vegetarian and money's fucking tight, so sometimes you just throw a couple of things together and hope for the best.
You prepare for the worst, but hope for the best.
Guess which this creation was?

Today's cuisine is a fusion of traditional Japanese Sushi mixed with some American ghetto frozen patty goodness. When you add the word "Fusion" to your menu you can charge extra. Did you know that? It's true. 
Fusion and Tapas, what a bunch of shit. Just feed me.

Presentation is everything with this dish, mostly because it tastes like ass with some ketchup on it, so before even prepping this make sure to have your Pioneer Dinner Plates on hand.

Neanderthal man here can't wait to eat.

You probably already read my review and have those plates at the ready, so lets get to the recipe!

First, thaw out your Soy Burgers by nuking them for a minute or so. 
I prefer Aldi brand burgers. Any Soy Burger honestly tastes like shit, but Aldi is cheap.

I'm so excited for these, I took off my pants.

While you're a-thawing, heat up your skillet pan. And once that pans warm, add your cooking oil of choice.
Olive Oil tastes better, which won't really help, is probably better for you, but also has a lower flash point. Vegetable Oil is cheap and most everyone has some in the cupboard. So use whatever you want. I would be weary of using Karma Sutra Love Oil though, there's no flash point listed, and I think Strawberry might over power the otherwise shitty taste of a soy burger.

I bet this tastes like High School romances of days gone by.

Burgers' thawed? Toss it into your pan and cook that fucker for a while. Flip it when feels like you should flip it.
Don't splash any oil on you.

Remember when I rescued this pan from an abandoned apartment?

While your tasty burger is cooking up, bust out your Nori of choice!
I buy whatever I can find.

Still excited. Still no pants.

Check your burger! Don't burn it. Bust out your ketchup or catsup or whatever and slap a sheet of nori on your classy dinner plate.

All good fusion is served on camping plates.

We're getting close to the end of the recipe! Are you excited? Nobody will blame you if you take off your pants. Unless you're baby sitting or something. 

Take that burger out of the pan, slap it on the nori, squirt on some ketchup and there you go!

This is going to taste much like you'd expect to. Make sure to have a decent side dish to go with it. Lima Beans might be good. And all good chefs will offer a drink pairing for their cuisines, and my pairing to go with this dish is Listerine.

Stay tuned for more Fod Bloogs. I have ideas for Bunny Turd Salad and a Breakfast with Jesus menu.
In the meantime, maybe check out one of my original Fod Bloogs, On The House Bloody Mary Mix.

Thursday, August 2, 2018

Product Review: Merrel All Out Crush Tough Mudder 2 Boa

I think it was last fall or maybe last winter?
Tough Mudder and Merrell put together an Instagram Photo Contest with prizes including a trip to CO for two to race in a Mudder, entries into a Mudder 5k and a pair of shoes, these shoes here:

You should do Tough Mudders.

The contest was a combo of votes for your pic and having Mudder choose your pic from the final ten.
A post shared by Geoffrey Hart (@bigcatbox) on
Long story short, we didn't win the Grand Prize, (still don't know who did, there was some dodgy shit going on with the voting) but ultimately we did end up winning two tix for a Mudder 5k, and these kicks.

Here's my thoughts on these things.

Merrells rarely fit me correctly. I ordered an 11, got an 11, but they felt like a 12. HUGE.

But I ran a trail half at Tuckfest in them anyway.
And since that half I've put a bunch of runs into them. I've washed them several times and it seems more like they've shrunk than my feet have grown a full size in 4 months.
Anyway, they fit now...

Starting from the bottom of the shoe:

They won't stay white long.

It has a nice aggressive sole, it gripped everything I run on and sheds mud pretty readily. The tread kinda looks like Chinese Stars. Remember those?

6mm of drop in this kick. The heel maxing out at just over 22mm and the toes coming in around 16mm. This felt really great for me. There's a good amount of ground feel, but I never felt susceptible to any ground protrusions. Not that Myrtle Beach has lots of rocks.

Did I use this picture in my Orange Mud blog?

There's a pretty lightweight mesh and thermo plastic upper, which feels pretty damn stable around my foot. If you happen to slosh into a puddle, which this shoe is obviously meant for, most of the water will quickly drain. Merrell claims 8oz per shoe.  I don't have a scale, so I'm going to trust them.

I look awful. Usually I'm really damn good looking.

The ankle cuff is a nice neoprene fabric, quite comfy. But there's a weird flare around the ankle that actually lets debris into the shoe. Typically a Runner Lace Lock would have alleviated this.

Now, the vegan meat and potatoes on this shoe, which is actually Vegan! Huge win for me, thanks Merrell!!

The Boa Lacing System!

 I wish I had this on my road bike shoes. What a great concept.
But on OCR shoes?  This system sucks, and I'll tell you why.
First, I could never get it tight enough. I had to pull slack lace at the front of the shoe and tie a knot to make the string shorter. I don't have a picture of this, but look at the pic below and use your imagination.
Second, the knob you use to tighten the laces does not work well with wet and muddy hands. The grip on the knob is insufficient to offer any purchase when you're covered in mud. And when you're thrashing around in waist high deep mud puddles, you really don't want that shoe feeling like it's gonna fall off, you want it tight. 
Laces may come loose, but you can easily re-tighten them, even with muddy hands. If you're drenched in mud and these shoes come loose, you're boned.

Twisty turny to tighten this shoe, Pull the knob to loosen. Cool concept gone wrong here.

Loosening and removing the shoe however, is a snap. You simply pull the knob up, the laces loosen, you pull the tongue forward and the shoe comes right off.

So I'm in no way knocking the Boa lacing system, it's a great concept that works wonders with some shoes/boots. But for OCR, that knob needs to be updated. A cross shape or even a square would work much better than a round slightly gnarly knob.

I'm mostly content with this shoe. It is my current go-to trail shoe. The drop is nice and the ground feel is good. But I do run into problems, every damn run, trying to tighten them.

I understand that Merrell does offer a standard lace version of this shoe. 
I want that one. I may try to save the hundred bones it currently retails for. Everything other than the lacing system kicks ass. With standard lacing, that funky flare at my ankle would (probably) go away too.

I have not OCR'd in these yet. I have done some nice muddy terrain though. One day I may cash in those Mudder 5k tickets, or probably just do a Full Mudder instead. I'll post a re-cap when I do
. Until then, it's coastal Carolina running.