But you know what's better than sushi?
I'm not afraid to put my name alongside my politics. Today's issues are fucking important. My political views are based on my ethics. If you don't like my politics, you don't like my ethics, and thus probably don't like me.
Good news! I don't care.
Lets talk about this sushi now!
It's all about presentation folks.
3) Cream Cheese, Vegan
4) Some kind of flavored chip, probably not Vegan
6) Sugar, or optional red sprinkles.
I'll never have sub 10% body fat.
The exact date I came up with this roll eludes me. Let's say it was...Super Bowl Sunday 2005. That works. That seems fitting given the name "Football Roll".
Here's how you make this swamp grass looking abomination:
Cook your rice. DO NOT USE RAW RICE. That would be terrible. Cook your rice of choice according to the directions. I use plain white rice, its really cheap and easy to cook.
Reduce, Reuse, Recycle.
Prep your chips of choice.
Pro tip: Avoid any kind of "puff" as they're too mushy. You can use a blender if you want, but I just smoosh a bowl of chips with another bowl, like in these pictures below.
I can't get these stupid pictures to line up correctly.
Rice all done? Add that vinegar and sugar mess and stir thoroughly man.
Get your nori on your board then spread some rice on the nori. Not too much now!
Apply a layer of cream cheese. Don't go overboard! That vegan cream cheese is expensive.
This cream cheese sucks on so many levels.
Sorry ladies, that is indeed a wedding band.
Show your fine work to the wife:
A picture is worth a thousand words. This sushi is worth about a dollar fifty.
After all this you may be wondering why I call them Football Rolls.
There's a lot of calories in this roll, eat enough of them and you'll end up looking like a guy that does nothing other than watch football.
Please don't take this as any kind of endorsement. I dislike the NFL and football as a whole.
The Surgeon General recommends 20-30 minutes of moderate activity a day.
I recommend more than that the day after eating Football Rolls.
On a side note, but also very important, I used Miyoko's vegan cream cheese, it is absolutely disgusting. Tasted like old school Turtle Wax with some salt added to it.