Sunday, August 19, 2018

Fod Bloog: Soy Burger Nori Wrap with Ketchup




Writing is hard.


I really eat the stuff I bloog about. Don't think for a second I just toss this shit into the garbage. 
It's also possible I was drunk for most of this bloog process.

I'm a militant vegetarian and money's fucking tight, so sometimes you just throw a couple of things together and hope for the best.
You prepare for the worst, but hope for the best.
Guess which this creation was?

Today's cuisine is a fusion of traditional Japanese Sushi mixed with some American ghetto frozen patty goodness. When you add the word "Fusion" to your menu you can charge extra. Did you know that? It's true. 
Fusion and Tapas, what a bunch of shit. Just feed me.

Presentation is everything with this dish, mostly because it tastes like ass with some ketchup on it, so before even prepping this make sure to have your Pioneer Dinner Plates on hand.

Neanderthal man here can't wait to eat.



You probably already read my review and have those plates at the ready, so lets get to the recipe!

First, thaw out your Soy Burgers by nuking them for a minute or so. 
I prefer Aldi brand burgers. Any Soy Burger honestly tastes like shit, but Aldi is cheap.

I'm so excited for these, I took off my pants.


While you're a-thawing, heat up your skillet pan. And once that pans warm, add your cooking oil of choice.
Olive Oil tastes better, which won't really help, is probably better for you, but also has a lower flash point. Vegetable Oil is cheap and most everyone has some in the cupboard. So use whatever you want. I would be weary of using Karma Sutra Love Oil though, there's no flash point listed, and I think Strawberry might over power the otherwise shitty taste of a soy burger.

I bet this tastes like High School romances of days gone by.


Burgers' thawed? Toss it into your pan and cook that fucker for a while. Flip it when feels like you should flip it.
Don't splash any oil on you.

Remember when I rescued this pan from an abandoned apartment?


While your tasty burger is cooking up, bust out your Nori of choice!
I buy whatever I can find.


Still excited. Still no pants.


Check your burger! Don't burn it. Bust out your ketchup or catsup or whatever and slap a sheet of nori on your classy dinner plate.

All good fusion is served on camping plates.


We're getting close to the end of the recipe! Are you excited? Nobody will blame you if you take off your pants. Unless you're baby sitting or something. 

Take that burger out of the pan, slap it on the nori, squirt on some ketchup and there you go!

This is going to taste much like you'd expect to. Make sure to have a decent side dish to go with it. Lima Beans might be good. And all good chefs will offer a drink pairing for their cuisines, and my pairing to go with this dish is Listerine.

Stay tuned for more Fod Bloogs. I have ideas for Bunny Turd Salad and a Breakfast with Jesus menu.
In the meantime, maybe check out one of my original Fod Bloogs, On The House Bloody Mary Mix.

1 comment:

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