I sure could use some new shorts

Oh man, this post is already promising to have too many pictures of my backside.
 
But it is about shorts, after all. So we're going to have to deal with it.
We'll be fine, it's only my rear end and I won't make you look at the tattoo on my right butt cheek.

Any idea how quickly shorts get destroyed doing this shit?

 

Come to find out, I don't really have a lot of pictures of my derriere. So I just posted to the ol' Facebook to see if anyone else may. (Nobody did, I'm both surprised and disappointed)

Here's my problem, basically I've got 2 pair of shorts that I'm comfortable in. My BOAs and this crappy beat up old pair of Diadora soccer shorts I've had since about 2009.

I do have some other running shorts around, and a pair of longer Asics that I'll only run in when it's cooler out. But wearing running shorts to the gym? Not only a faux pas, but ever try squatting or doing leg lifts in skimpy little running shorts? Nobody at the gym wants to see my Hall and Oates.

Other than that I've only got my House of Pain fight shorts and those beat up soccer shorts to wear to the gym.

Then I have one pair of civilian shorts. The cool ones with Mermaids on them, you've seen them, ya? Well, they're a bit stained now. Can't wear those anyplace nice.

Then I've got my Board Shorts.

Fashion Risk

Look at how long those are. That's bullocks. I need short Board Shorts.

I'm pretty comfortable in a Kilt, but I get sick of answering "Oh, are you Scottish?" And, I only have one kilt, and...I won't wear a kilt to the gym. Again, nobody wants to see my Hall and Oates.


Pillar of Society right there folks.

 

So I need some new shorts. I despise (modern) Basketball shorts. Looks like the NBA is going clam picking.


I'm working making a Foo Fighters station on Pandora as I write this. There is a TON of douche rock out there. Breaking Benjamin? Staind? Seether? Who listens to this drivel?

No Shorts. Or even underwear.

Maybe if I was in Douche Rock band I could afford some new shorts?

I'd rather Donald Duck it.







It's in the 70s today. It's December 30th. I need more shorts.
If you would like to send me some shorts, email me, I can give my address.